A couple of weeks ago my Saturday started out good. I was enjoying doing a few small cleaning tasks around the house (yes, I DO enjoy cleaning), washing clothes and paying bills. By the afternoon I felt terrible. My bladder was burning, I felt like I had knives in my back and I ached all over my body. I figured I had just overdid that day.

The next day I got up, took a pain pill and went to church. By the end of the service, I felt bad again. I went home and slept for three hours. When I woke up I was willing to take some more pain pills, go eat and buy groceries with Alan since that is our usual routine on Sundays. I didn’t realize that he was very tired and not interested in buying groceries like we normally do. I was relieved, but I knew that I would have to go sooner or later.

By Monday I was convinced I was in an Interstitial Cystitis (IC) flare. I felt awful, but I knew that I needed to buy some groceries. I felt so bad that I didn’t want to go to the grocery store, but I thought it would be the best thing to do.

I began to mentally break down. I felt so alone. I needed help and I didn’t know who to reach out to. I text my daughter and asked her if she was at work and she said yes. I began to cry and feel sorry for myself. At that very moment, I received a text from my Pastor. Since I volunteer at the church office, I do some of the typing for the newsletter, etc. He wanted me to be thinking of the newsletter and what we needed to add to it. I immediately felt better mentally. It was good to know that I was needed. I think when you are in pain all the time, it wears you down mentally. And at some point you break down. It wasn’t just one thing that bothered me, it was a combination of things. I know that at these moments Jesus is by my side, but I’m too desperate to even notice.

Later on that same day I went to the doctor. I cried most of the way there, but I had my radio on to try to cheer me up. I heard a commercial on HIS radio. The female owner of a car dealership told how her granddaughter wakes up every day and says “This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it.” She said this is easy to do when things are going your way, but harder to do when it’s not. I felt like she was talking directly to me. Every moment of every day is a gift from God. I should keep my focus on him and all the good things that He has given me and not focus on the bad things.

I told my doctor all of my symptoms and he wanted to start me on antibiotics just in case it was a bladder infection. I didn’t want to take antibiotics if I didn’t need them so I told him that I just wanted a bladder instillation. I was pretty sure it was an IC flare. I think it is a good idea to make sure you have an infection before you start taking antibiotics. I have heard and read that taking them to often can make you immune to them.

After I get an instillation, I usually go home and lie down. But I knew I needed to go to the grocery store. It was not what I felt like or wanted to do all at, but I went. I happened to see a FedEx driver that delivers to the computer store where I work. (of course I would see someone that I knew) He said what are you doing out of work so early? I said I took a sick day. I know what he was thinking. “You don’t look sick!” But I told him I felt awful and I did! I couldn’t wait to get home and go to bed!!

By Wednesday I was still in a lot of pain. I wanted so badly to go to church that morning and work on the Newsletter and then go to morning Bible study, but I knew I didn’t have enough strength to do all that and go to work and go to Bible study that night. So I rested until time for me to go to work. I went to church that night, but I was still not feeling well.

I decided to call the doctor’s office on Friday to get the results of my culture and they were negative. I didn’t need the antibiotics at all this time. I am convinced it was an IC flare combined with a Fibromyalgia flare…a double whammy.

About ten days later I started feeling better. It was a difficult experience to go through with lots of pain and not being able to enjoy the experiences of life that I usually take for granted, such as going to work, volunteering at the church or going to Bible study. I realized through all of my suffering that even a simple text to someone can make them feel better when they are having a bad time, especially if it is a double whammy day! I also was reminded to be thankful for all the good things I have and do.

All summer long I have been involved in a Discipleship Training group at my church. The goal of this group is to build relationships with others and help lead others to become Disciples. A Disciple is one that is following Jesus, who is being changed by Him and is committed to being on mission for Christ to make more disciples. As we make more disciples we also form new groups.

As part of training in this group we divided up into pairs and told a Bible story to a small group. Then we asked questions and discussed the story. In my group we had two very sweet couples. I told the story and Ed asked most of the questions and even went more in depth with the story. He is a Bible scholar compared to me. But in order to learn you have to start somewhere, so I try to learn as much as I can.

As we discussed the story of Jesus asking Peter, James and John to follow Him, Jesus also told them He would make them fishers of men. Somehow we got on the subject of Christians not having a perfect life. Some people think that all Christians go around smiling and praising God all the time..not so! Christians go through the same struggles and heartaches that everyone does we just know that we always have Jesus helping us.

I remember looking at one couple in particular who was going through a very difficult time in their lives. I said they had no idea they would both have cancer at the same time. As I looked at him through his teary eyes, I said no matter what you always know that Jesus is by your side!

A few weeks later when we were in our Discipleship Training group, our Pastor received a phone call. It was the husband of the couple that has cancer. She was in the hospital with complications with her heart and the doctors said there was nothing more they could do.

We decided to leave immediately and go visit this family. Fist we stopped at their house and talked and prayed with the husband. Then we went to the hospital to visit the wife and her daughter. There was four of us and we gathered around her bed. She grabbed my hand and with her very weak voice she told us that she ready. She was ready to be taken off all the machines and ready to meet her Maker. As she was saying some of the last words she would ever say, she also asked how others in the church were doing. She was always thinking of others.

She knew she was going to heaven so she asked if she could peak around the clouds and check on us every once in a while. She told me that I did a beautiful job the night I lead the Bible study. Tears began to flow down my checks. I knew that was the last time that she was able to go to church. I felt so blessed that God used me to speak to her about His love that night. I also knew this would be the last time that I would see her alive. When it was time to leave I hugged her and told her that she was going to make a beautiful angel. I hugged her one more time because it was hard to let go of such a sweet and thoughtful person.

As we walked back to our cars, I was still crying. I didn’t want to let her go. I didn’t want God to have her yet. I know it was selfish, but it was truly how I felt at the time. A few days later heaven received their beautiful angel. Her life on earth was done, but her kindness and thoughtfulness will be missed by many.

She sounded so confident and sure when she said she was ready. She was ready for her new home and her new healthy body. She deserved it and we had to let her go. Sometimes when I look up in the sky on a beautiful sunny day I wonder if she peaking around a cloud and smiling down on me.

I dedicate this blog post to the memory of my sister in Christ Sandra McClain.

For the last several months, I have been going to a Discipleship Leader training class. We meet at our church every Wednesday night. A couple of weeks ago I was at one of the meetings. I was feeling fine until…I could feel the Fibromyalgia fog take over my body. As I sat in the meeting one of the first symptoms was extreme fatigue. Then I could feel it taking over my mind. All I could think about was getting out of this meeting, going home and going to bed.

It was so disappointing because I really enjoy these meetings. I feel that we all are growing closer to the Lord through this experience. I also feel we are getting to know each other on a more personal level. I look forward to these meetings all week long. But there I was, wanting it to be over as soon as possible.

Another symptom that had peaked during the start of my flare was my Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS). I was completely out of my medication for the RLS. I had been having trouble sleeping for a couple of days. If you are not familiar with RLS I will try to describe it. RLS make me feels like I have something running through my veins that needs to come out. I cannot be still. I HAVE to keep moving. It is a terrible feeling!! When I am trying to go to sleep at night is when it usually bothers me the most. I cannot lie still in the bed. I have to get up. I usually do some stretches for about twenty-thirty minutes and then most of the time I can get to sleep. Symptoms usually occur when I have not moved for long periods of time, such as sitting or riding in a car.

As soon as our meeting was over, I went home; ate supper; took a warm bath and went to bed. I slept for thirteen hours. No, not thirteen hours straight because I woke up a couple of times, but sleeping for the most part. When I woke up I felt weak. I ached from my head to my toe. Even my hair was hurting my head. It hurt to touch my head. Cool air from the air conditioner hurt my skin. The breeze from the ceiling fan hurt my skin. My glasses touching me hurt my face.

I felt like I had the flu, but it is worse to me because my skin was so sensitive and hurt so much. If I had the flu I would stay in bed and not go anywhere. However; with a Fibromyalgia flare, I just have to keep going.

1 peter 1:6-7

My daughter, Miranda, called me and wanted me to meet her at a car dealership where she was looking at a new car. I had been resting around the house most of the day, but I went ahead and got ready to go meet her. I wanted to wear a cute, cropped pair of pants. I put them on and took them off immediately. They hurt when they touched my skin. I found a loose, silky pair of pants and a silky shirt. It was the only outfit I could tolerate. I put on my happy face and headed to meet Miranda and her husband, Vince.

When we finished with the car, they took me to lunch. We ate and talked for a while. I enjoyed being with them, but I still felt lousy. Then I went to the computer store where I help out a little and worked for about three hours.

The next day when I saw Vince he asked how I was doing. I said that I was better than yesterday. He said that I looked fine yesterday and I must have been faking it. I said, yes, I just kept going and faked it. I didn’t feel better until Sunday, so I had to fake it for a few days. I really don’t like the word “fake,” so I looked for a better word. I came up with “pseudo.” The dictionary definition is “not actually but having the appearance of.” So when I am in a fibro flare, I am pseudo-feeling good and I appear to be a healthy person.

I know that God sometimes sends affliction and pain to strengthen our faith. So though I do have difficult days. I feel that my faith and trust in the Lord have been growing and for me this makes all the pain and suffering worth it!

My family had a birthday celebration at my house during the Fourth of July holiday. We had a cookout and celebrated June and July birthdays. We all enjoyed spending time with each other and honoring the birthday guys and gals.

My youngest brother, Scotty, asked if I wanted to come over to his house afterward. I said, Yes! So Anthony, my oldest brother, and I followed Scotty to his house. It had been way too long since I had been to his house and I was looking forward to seeing his wife, since she is home bound. It had been longer than I would like to mention since I had seen her, though I had talked to her on the phone several times.

While we were at their house, Anthony showed Scotty how to burn some of Scotty’s music files onto a CD. I took notes for Scotty, since he is not that familiar with computers. I told Anthony that maybe we could make a career out of this. We could make house calls and train people to use computers. Anthony could provide instructions and I could type notes on my laptop and print it out for them before we leave…Assistant to my brother on the road…another dream job of mine…see blog posts “Priceless,” and “Beach Bum” for other dream jobs of mine.

Scotty plays acoustic, classical guitar. He has urged me often to learn and play. He is self-taught and plays beautifully. He has even written some original music.

I wanted to show Scotty some things on the computer too. I worked at a computer repair shop and I know a few things about computers, so I had to put my two cents’ worth into the mix.

Anthony and Scotty are highly intelligent, spiritual and talented people. They both play guitar, thus my on- and off-again, love/hate relationship with my own desire to play the guitar. I took lessons about ten years ago, but I really stink at playing the guitar…it is very hard work and I am not naturally talented at playing, like my brothers. My guitar mostly serves as decoration as it “gently weeps” because it is not being played to its’ full potential.

The Beatles-While My Guitar Gently Weeps

After a short visit, Anthony and I made our way home. We decided to take a different route than we came. It was dark outside as we were leaving my brother’s neighborhood. There was also an overabundance of people in the street, shooting fireworks, celebrating the Fourth of July. I was driving and all of these things made me a little nervous.

As we were riding along, we saw more and more people on the street shooting loud fireworks. I soon realized that we were “Not in Kansas anymore.” We were not on the way home…we were lost!! I felt anxious!! I don’t drive at night much; all the people on the streets, the noise of the fireworks and now we are lost!! I did have a small panic attack. However, I decided to turn around and go back the way we came. When we were at the spot where we made our mistake, we simply turned the other way and we were on the right track.

Anthony said in an email to me, “As for getting lost, in guy terms we weren’t really lost, just riding around a bit before going home. No need to panic….” Yeah, easy for him to say, but I did feel a bit panicked. I explained to him on the way home that now that I have Interstitial Cystitis and Fibromyalgia, etc., etc., I tend to panic more. I explained that I am learning to recognize when I am panicked and try some deep breathing techniques to help. It doesn’t always work, but it is certainly worth a try!

It was a good to spend time with my Big Brother and I enjoyed the ride home. Anthony and I have become closer over the last couple of years. We have developed a loving bond for each other that we never had until recently.

He suffers from chronic pain; he loves music; he is devoted to the Lord; and he has a passion for writing. All of these things, both the good and the bad, must have made us realize we have a lot in common. Since I have been sick with Interstitial Cystitis, I starting blogging to encourage others. He has been the main source of encouragement to keep me motivated to write.

He guides me in my struggles with pain; he inspires me on my journey with the Lord; he even futility tries to boost my love for practicing guitar. He keeps me focused on my writing. Like a proud Big Brother, he wants me to be better at it. He wants me to stretch myself and be successful. I am thankful for his encouragement more than he will ever know. I thank God for my Big Brother!

I am thankful for two intellectually gifted and inspiring brothers!

Twenty-eight years is a long time. Then add five years of dating. I have been with this man for most of my life. And if you add in the fact that we were in the third grade together, then we have been together since we were about nine years old.

We wanted to do something for our wedding anniversary, but the budget is tight right now. We both came up with the same idea. A day trip to the beach. That is absolutely one of my most favorite things to do in the world. Alan enjoys it too. We have been going to the beach together since I was seventeen years old.

I had checked the forecast and knew there was a chance of rain on the day we planned to go. I thought it would be fine just as long as we are together. I enjoyed spending time with and talking to Alan on our way there, but I was disappointed that the sun had decided not to even make an appearance…okay, I was actually silently pouting about it. This was our celebration time together and I didn’t want it to be cloudy or for us not to have maximum enjoyment from this trip.

Since it was bothering me, I began to pray that if it was God’s will that the sun would come out for a while. Sure enough as we were traveling down the road God’s beautiful sunshine was all around us.

As we made our way down the trail to the beach I could see more of God’s beauty all around me. The trees, many, many birds and…the ocean! God had poured His blessings out on me. We immediately took a walk down the beach. Then we both settled down in our chairs to read our books under our beach umbrella.

Sunrise at the Isle of Palms….Beautiful!

After we settled in our chairs again after the second walk, I said “Was that a rain drop?” We both ignored it and went back to reading. A few minutes later there were more drops and then we saw groups of people scamper from the beach shores. While some of us decided to try to wait it out under our umbrellas.

But the wind was blowing making me cold in the rain. And there was that tiny little thing called thunder that really encouraged us to pack it up and head to the car. Even though I would have loved to stay out on the beach, getting soaked in the rain made me happy. It took me back to my childhood, because I never want to go outside when it is raining now. It makes my hair frizzy even with an umbrella!(I am such a girly girl!)

We hurried to the car where there was dry towels, water to rinse off with and shelter from the rain. There was so much traffic that we decided to wait out the rain. Then when the rain stopped Alan said “Do you want to take another walk out on the beach?” Do I??!! Of course I do!! This man really knows my heart. I never want to leave the beach when it is time to go and I am always ready for one more walk on the beach!

After we left, we stopped at a restaurant to eat. And of course I had to go to the little girls room. While I was in there I looked in the mirror and immediately thought…beach bum. I looked like a beach bum. My hair was flat from the towel I put over my head in the rain. But it looked okay for the beach. That is another dream job of mine…Beach Bum. I think it would be great to live at the beach. Of course I would want to live in a house and just be a Beach Bum during the day! Lol

This whole trip reminded me of water….the beach, the rain and God pouring out His blessings on us. Jesus wants us to come to Him to satisfy our inner thirst or our desire for a deeper understanding of Him and His word. As this verse points out a person who believes in Jesus not only receives blessings, but they become a blessing to others. To receive these blessings we need to live out the Word of God in our daily lives. We need to read God’s Holy Word, study His Word and share His Word with others.

I definitely felt God pouring his blessings out on me that day. I just hope and pray that I am a blessing to others!

Twenty-eight years is a long time. Then add five years of dating. I have been with this man for most of my life. And if you add in the fact that we were in the third grade together, then we have been together since we were about nine years old.

We wanted to do something for our wedding anniversary, but the budget is tight right now. We both came up with the same idea. A day trip to the beach. That is absolutely one of my most favorite things to do in the world. Alan enjoys it too. We have been going to the beach together since I was seventeen years old.

I had checked the forecast and knew there was a chance of rain on the day we planned to go. I thought it would be fine just as long as we are together. I enjoyed spending time with and talking to Alan on our way there, but I was disappointed that the sun had decided not to even make an appearance…okay, I was actually silently pouting about it. This was our celebration time together and I didn’t want it to be cloudy or for us not to have maximum enjoyment from this trip.

Since it was bothering me, I began to pray that if it was God’s will that the sun would come out for a while. Sure enough as we were traveling down the road God’s beautiful sunshine was all around us.

As we made our way down the trail to the beach I could see more of God’s beauty all around me. The trees, many, many birds and…the ocean! God had poured His blessings out on me. We immediately took a walk down the beach. Then we both settled down in our chairs to read our books under our beach umbrella.

Sunrise at the Isle of Palms….Beautiful!

After we settled in our chairs again after the second walk, I said “Was that a rain drop?” We both ignored it and went back to reading. A few minutes later there were more drops and then we saw groups of people scamper from the beach shores. While some of us decided to try to wait it out under our umbrellas.

But the wind was blowing making me cold in the rain. And there was that tiny little thing called thunder that really encouraged us to pack it up and head to the car. Even though I would have loved to stay out on the beach, getting soaked in the rain made me happy. It took me back to my childhood, because I never want to go outside when it is raining now. It makes my hair frizzy even with an umbrella!(I am such a girly girl!)

We hurried to the car where there was dry towels, water to rinse off with and shelter from the rain. There was so much traffic that we decided to wait out the rain. Then when the rain stopped Alan said “Do you want to take another walk out on the beach?” Do I??!! Of course I do!! This man really knows my heart. I never want to leave the beach when it is time to go and I am always ready for one more walk on the beach!

After we left, we stopped at a restaurant to eat. And of course I had to go to the little girls room. While I was in there I looked in the mirror and immediately thought…beach bum. I looked like a beach bum. My hair was flat from the towel I put over my head in the rain. But it looked okay for the beach. That is another dream job of mine…Beach Bum. I think it would be great to live at the beach. Of course I would want to live in a house and just be a Beach Bum during the day! Lol

This whole trip reminded me of water….the beach, the rain and God pouring out His blessings on us. Jesus wants us to come to Him to satisfy our inner thirst or our desire for a deeper understanding of Him and His word. As this verse points out a person who believes in Jesus not only receives blessings, but they become a blessing to others. To receive these blessings we need to live out the Word of God in our daily lives. We need to read God’s Holy Word, study His Word and share His Word with others.

I definitely felt God pouring his blessings out on me that day. I just hope and pray that I am a blessing to others!

My sister is going to a wedding next week. She asked me to help her find a dress.  It is a formal wedding, but we decided that she should just buy a nice dress that she can wear again after the wedding.

I had asked her to do some “pre-shopping.” Pre-shopping is what I do to save time and money.  I told her to go to a couple of websites and check out their dresses.  That way she would know which store has the best selection for what she is looking for.  If we know ahead of time where we are going, we can also look for coupons for that particular store to save money.

She came by house first and we discussed our plans. Then I packed my stuff into her van and we drove to a larger city about an hour away from where we live.  Since I had also “pre-shopped” for her, I knew that we needed to head straight to Belk…it was in the mall…dun,dun, duuun! Click below for the actual sound effect.

I don’t shop much in malls any more.  Too much walking…it wears me out.  We were fortunate that Belk has its’ own entrance making that daunting task much easier!

When we walked in neither of us knew which direction to go, so I just started walking.  By the time we found the right department I was already beginning to feel weary.  However; I have noticed that if my mind is focused on a task that I enjoy; such as shopping, I am more likely not to focus on the pain.  Apparently that even works when I am helping someone else shop.

I used to “love” to go shopping before I was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis (IC), Fibromyalgia, Pelvic Floor Dysfunction and Vuvodyndia.  Now my shopping trips are few and far between.

Once we found the right department, I began to suggest dresses and grabbing the ones she liked. Then I saw the clearance racks…ahhHHHH! Clearance racks are a shoppers dream come true…if you can find your size!

Well, we were having a good day because we found several in her size and she tried on all of them. None of them were “the one.” So I told her we needed to go back to the clearance rack one and find something. She said she was ready for lunch and so was I.  I told her that we needed to find a dress first.  We needed to complete our mission!

We went back to the racks and found the perfect dress for her. It was a mixed print dress in blues and purples and black. The matching short-sleeve jacket was made of a lightweight turquoise material. It has a flared bottom that lightly swishes when she walks. It will look great with some new black shoes. We both we very pleased…and hungry!

She suggested a nice Mexican restaurant across the street from the mall. I said that would be great since I had eaten there before and I knew what to order that would agree with my bladder. We both ordered our much over due lunch. She then told me she was going to pay for my lunch for my services. Boy, I wish I could do that for a living. A professional shopper that sounds like a good job for me!

After we ate we headed back home. It was a good day for me and I enjoyed spending the day with her. I hope that we will be able to do it again very soon.

Gas for shopping out of town $10.00, Dress on clearance rack $30.00, Spending the day with my wonderful sister Priceless!