Crohn’s Nightmare
We were on the interstate only 30 miles away from our home. My husband was driving. At first, a couple of lights showed up on my car’s dashboard. Then all of a sudden all of the dashboard lights disappeared. My husband had already pulled off onto the first exit we came upon. I started feeling anxious and stressed which can lead to a Crohn’s flare if I don’t stay calm.
We decided to pull over in someone’s driveway and call our Roadside Assistance to come and pick up our now-dead car. We also called our daughter and son-in-law to pick us up and take us home. After only a few minutes of waiting, that’s when my nightmare started.
I started having severe stomach cramps and nausea. I immediately started taking medicine to hopefully lessen the horrid effects of a Crohn’s flare. It was difficult to swallow my pills because I felt like I was adding more in a stomach that felt full and did not want to be disturbed in any way. Many times when I feel a flare coming on, I can take my medicine, lie down and be completely still and if I have the luxury, snuggle with my heating pad on my stomach and avoid the ordeal or at least lessen the effects.
As I was lying back in the front seat of my car, my daughter and her husband showed up. I couldn’t move. I wasn’t feeling better, I was feeling worse. The skies began to darken and any flickers of light were bothering me. I hid my head beneath my hat. Moments later the wrecker showed up. Under normal circumstances, both of these things would have received a very warm welcome from me. Instead, they caused me more anxiety, frustrated me, and probably most of all, embarrassed me.
I was not in control. Crohn’s symptoms were definitely in control. I wanted to hop up and jump in my daughter’s car, but I knew if I didn’t keep still (and maybe even if I did) I might not be able to win this battle. Instead, as tears fell down my face, I slowly got up, walked over to her car, and lay down in the back seat. I continued to have very painful cramps and nausea all the way home. It was a long, difficult, and bumpy ride for me. I could not wait to arrive home and fire up my heating pad and snuggle up with my cats in my bed!!
I don’t mind sharing with anyone that I have Crohn’s (a bathroom disease) or Interstitial Cystitis (another bathroom condition). What I don’t like is sharing the worst part of my flares. I want to be alone…just me and the Lord. I talk to Him a lot when I am in the throws of these trials. Sometimes I am begging for relief, sometimes I am thanking Him when I start feeling better. Things can always be worse, although amid our battle it does not seem like it.
In this particular incident, I was ashamed and embarrassed. Most of the time I try to hide my pain and struggles. I try to fit in and do a lot of the things I used to do..but IT IS HARD! I am not in control in a flare…and I don’t like that, my guard is let down and I’m vulnerable and I don’t like that either! What I did learn is that I can count on my world (aka known as my loved ones) to be there for me. My daughter stepped up and showed me her love. She was very supportive and that is what I needed.
There are always going to be times when life feels like a nightmare. Surround yourself with supportive, positive folks and talk to the Lord about all of your struggles and the journey will be much easier.
Pages: 1 2
