IC My New Life

Have you ever had one of those days when you felt like you just couldn’t wait for it to be over?  Well, I was having one of those days recently.   It literally felt like I was dragging myself to my doctor’s appointment that afternoon.   I didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere!  What I am trying to describe to you is a day that I needed a “Do-over.”

Moonbeam shined her light on me when I was feeling down and miserable.  She was my nurse at the doctor’s office.  Moonbeam was so nice to me.  Since I was having a difficult day told her that I really appreciated it.  She said she wants to be a reflection of the Lord shining through her.  I had never thought of it that way before.  

A Different Way To Look At It

Most of the time you hear about being the light…but a reflection was a new way for me to look at it.  As she was talking, I began to cry.  I felt guilty for being so focused on myself.  Moonbeam put things into perspective for me.

As I soon learned everyone in that doctor’s office was a Moonbeam in their own way.  The Doctor and the Resident were super caring.  As we talked I could tell they were Christians too.  I told Moonbeam that she has a wonderful place to work – she agreed. 

How Can You Be A Moonbeam?

Some of us work in a terrific atmosphere surrounded by fellow believers.  I also know some of us are in different situations where we may be the only Moonbeam to shine for those around us to see.  That seems like a huge responsibility!  This is when we have to rely on the Lord and He will strengthen and guide us in these settings.  There is a reason we are placed in these situations.

As we reflect on the difficult times in our lives,  we may think that we need a “Do-Over.”  We are given that opportunity every day.  We can be a Moonbeam to someone in life.

We were on the interstate only 30 miles away from our home. My husband was driving.  At first, a couple of lights showed up on my car’s dashboard. Then all of a sudden all of the dashboard lights disappeared. My husband had already pulled off onto the first exit we came upon. I started feeling anxious and stressed which can lead to a Crohn’s flare if I don’t stay calm.

We decided to pull over in someone’s driveway and call our Roadside Assistance to come and pick up our now-dead car. We also called our daughter and son-in-law to pick us up and take us home. After only a few minutes of waiting, that’s when my nightmare started.

I started having severe stomach cramps and nausea. I immediately started taking medicine to hopefully lessen the horrid effects of a Crohn’s flare. It was difficult to swallow my pills because I felt like I was adding more in a stomach that felt full and did not want to be disturbed in any way. Many times when I feel a flare coming on, I can take my medicine, lie down and be completely still and if I have the luxury, snuggle with my heating pad on my stomach and avoid the ordeal or at least lessen the effects.

As I was lying back in the front seat of my car, my daughter and her husband showed up. I couldn’t move. I wasn’t feeling better, I was feeling worse. The skies began to darken and any flickers of light were bothering me. I hid my head beneath my hat. Moments later the wrecker showed up. Under normal circumstances, both of these things would have received a very warm welcome from me. Instead, they caused me more anxiety, frustrated me, and probably most of all, embarrassed me.

I was not in control. Crohn’s symptoms were definitely in control. I wanted to hop up and jump in my daughter’s car, but I knew if I didn’t keep still (and maybe even if I did)  I might not be able to win this battle. Instead, as tears fell down my face, I slowly got up, walked over to her car, and lay down in the back seat. I continued to have very painful cramps and nausea all the way home. It was a long, difficult, and bumpy ride for me. I could not wait to arrive home and fire up my heating pad and snuggle up with my cats in my bed!!

 I don’t mind sharing with anyone that I have Crohn’s (a bathroom disease) or Interstitial Cystitis (another bathroom condition). What I don’t like is sharing the worst part of my flares. I want to be alone…just me and the Lord. I talk to Him a lot when I am in the throws of these trials. Sometimes I am begging for relief, sometimes I am thanking Him when I start feeling better.  Things can always be worse, although amid our battle it does not seem like it.

In this particular incident, I was ashamed and embarrassed.  Most of the time I try to hide my pain and struggles. I try to fit in and do a lot of the things I used to do..but IT IS HARD! I am not in control in a flare…and I don’t like that, my guard is let down and I’m vulnerable and I don’t like that either! What I did learn is that I can count on my world (aka known as my loved ones) to be there for me. My daughter stepped up and showed me her love. She was very supportive and that is what I needed.

There are always going to be times when life feels like a nightmare.  Surround yourself with supportive, positive folks and talk to the Lord about all of your struggles and the journey will be much easier.

My Gastroenterologist ordered a CT scan of my small intestine to check the progress of my Entyvio infusions for my Chron’s disease. I had told him that if I didn’t have diarrhea, nausea, and weakness that I had pain, pressure and bloating.

Less than two hours after my scan my doctor called me…not a good sign! He explained that they found a large mass in my pelvic area. I made an appointment with my Urogynecologist to find out exactly what it was and what to do about it. He did an ultrasound and said that I had an ovarian tumor the size of a cantaloupe. I knew that I was facing surgery, but I was hoping it would be laparoscopic surgery. He said it was too big for that and he would go back in the same incision where I had a hysterectomy and an ectopic pregnancy removal.  I knew the pain and recovery I would be facing…or so I thought!

My doctor said he could do the surgery the following Friday. He stated he had planned to take the day off to travel but he could do my surgery and then go on his trip. I said it sounds like you want to do it quickly. He said it is more because I know you are uncomfortable. I was more than uncomfortable, I was in pain, so I said next Friday will be good! I had pain in my lower, left, pelvic area. By the following week, I was starting to have pain on both sides of my pelvis.

When I woke up from the surgery in the recovery room, I remember being very groggy, sensitive to the overhead lights, freezing cold, and moaning and moaning because I was in so much pain. I was in there about two hours, much longer than expected.  When they took me to my room I looked like a mummy because of all the blankets they had wrapped around my head and the rest of my body trying to keep me warm and to block the lights.

My nurse and me as the mummy.

The first person I saw was my husband. I remember grabbing his hand and a wealth of emotions came over me. I was so thankful to see him again. He told me what the doctor said, but it was a little different from what we finally figured out to be the whole story.

My doctor removed the tumor after he drained over three liters of fluid from it. He said it was bigger than a basketball and that I was the equivalent of being past a full-term pregnancy in size. He said it was stuck to my intestines and wrapped around my ureter. He had to cut my ureter. Another doctor then came in to finish the surgery.

A Urologist had to reconstruct my bladder in order to reach the ureter. He then stitched me up and put in 17 staples. When I woke up I had a catheter that would stay in for ten days. After talking to the Urologist, I also realized that I would be in the hospital for three days instead of one!

My recovery was going to be longer and more complicated.  I was going to be in a lot more pain than I originally thought. But the Good Lord blessed me with an amazing support system. My husband spent every night in the hospital with me and waited on me hand and foot, to the point that I started saying that I would do things myself just because I knew that I needed to move around more. He was also a huge encourager to me to continue to get up and move around.

My daughter and my sister stayed with me so that my husband could go home feed the cats, shower, etc. It was so good to have them and other visitors during my stay at what seemed like a very expensive spa retreat. I had nurses checking on me every couple of hours,  a special bed that assisted me in resting, sitting up, and getting up to walk. I rested more those 3 days than I ever have on any vacation and spent lots of quality time with my husband.

In a way, it was very relaxing. I usually try to look on the bright side of things. I knew I wouldn’t get that kind of rest after I left that “spa.” I tried to make the best of my time with my family and friends. Although I had to go through a lot to get that much-needed rest. I appreciated it for what it was. It was an escape from the fast pace of everyday life and my long To Do Lists both at home and work.

I believe the Lord allows us to go through struggles to slow us down and make us really think about what is important in life. For me, my Faith, Family, and Friends are so important to me. I also appreciate the importance of the expert care of my doctors and have written Thank You cards to them.

I want to continue to reach out to those that mean so much to me in my life. I want to continue to give the Lord what He is due. He has brought me through such a difficult time and provided so much love to me from Him and my loved ones.

During my recent follow-up visit with my Urogynecologist that did the initial surgery, I asked him what is the take away from all of this that I can pass along to others so that they will benefit from what I have been through. The main take away that I can pass along is to encourage all ladies to have their yearly physical exam. Since I had a hysterectomy, I don’t have to have pap smears, so I don’t have annual exams. This could have been another way that my doctor would have found my tumor sooner. Given the other issues I have, such as Crohn’s disease and Interstitial Cystitis; pain, pressure and bloating in the pelvic area are common. I suffered for a long time and I don’t want any other woman to have to suffer needlessly as I did.

My story could have ended very differently. My pathology reports could have come back with a malignant tumor instead of benign. I can’t imagine recovering from this surgery, dealing with Crohn’s, Fibromyalgia, etc., etc. AND being told that I have cancer. Thankfully I don’t have to worry about that and hopefully, this will help some of you to take action on a much-needed cancer screening that you have put off or to encourage a family member or friend to take this step in cancer prevention and unnecessary pain.

Me and my basketball.

If you have a similar story or heed my words of advice, please let me know in the comments section.

With weeks of anticipation and not knowing what to expect the day was finally here. It was Monday, August 21, 2017. It was a day like no other that I have experienced in my life, but I enjoyed it immensely. It was the day of the total solar eclipse.

We live in South Carolina so we were in the path of totality…what a cool word that you hardly ever use other than during an eclipse. I will probably use the word “totality” or some form of it totally more than necessary in this post….get it “totally?”

Of course, you have to wear those totally stylish eclipse sunglasses if you want the full effect of the experience. I read that they had to be ISO certified and that not all of them were safe. Fortunately, when I went for my annual eye check up at my Optometrist’s office they were selling them there. I thought this would be a great place to buy them and be protected so I bought several pairs to give out to family members.

My Mama and Me

It was a big deal in the small town that I live in and many traveled to our city just for the viewing. I had heard that all of our hotels were booked and some people were renting out their land to visitors who were camping. There were viewing parties, festivals, and concerts planned all over our town and surrounding cities.

My brother had told me that he would be in town for the viewing, so I invited my family over to my house for our own small viewing get together. The weekend before the eclipse I was very sick both days so I didn’t even think about making plans to provide any kind of food, snacks or anything when everyone was here. I wasn’t even sure I was going to feel like hosting any kind of serotinal (I just learned a new word. It means late summer) event.

But when the day came and I was watching the news and I saw the eclipse in Oregon, my excitement grew and grew even though I was still in a lot of pain. As I discussed with my brother while he was here, one of the best ways to not concentrate on your pain is to keep your mind focused on other things.

As it turned out when my family came to the house they also brought one of our long-time family friends. We decided to set up camp in my front yard. My sister had brought several chairs, our friend had prepared his binocular eclipse viewer, and I provided some bug spray and sunscreen. We were all set and had plenty of time to socialize. I showed one of my recent sunset pictures to everyone. When I showed it to our friend he said: “Who’s The Author?” I said, “Our Lord and Savior of course!”

Our friend and his homemade binocular eclipse viewer

The beautiful sunset

The whole experience of the eclipse was totally cool and weird all at the same time. It was a very special time with my family.  We were able to get together in the middle of the day in my front yard with our funny hats and glasses on waiting for the brilliant sunshine of the day to turn into night in mere minutes before our very eyes.

As it started getting darker my sister called her husband, I prepared my camera and my Mama continued to give us a countdown to the totality. For me, it was a feeling of adventure, apprehension, and awe. When it was totally dark it was so amazing. It was as if the world we knew had completely changed. The crickets started chirping, the citronella candles were glowing and it was dark. It was night-time for two minutes that day…a day that I will cherish for many reasons.

I completely enjoyed spending those couple of historical hours with my family and our friend. I was awestruck at the totally marvelous world that God created and so grateful that I had the chance to share this experience of a lifetime with loved ones.

It reminded me of those words that were asked earlier “Who’s the Author?” Only our incredible creator could come up with something so totally marvelous! I continued to think about those words and asked myself “Who’s the Author” of my life. Not only who created it but who is writing the words to my daily life? Who is writing the words to your daily life?

Am I careful not to use the words Satan wants me to use? Do I lash out at my most treasured loved ones because I am frustrated and in pain? Do I make time to study the words of my Savior so that I will know how to live my life? Or do I just live each day, each month, each year and take it all for granted?

I’m convinced that my life was created for more than just going through the motions. I know that the Lord wants me to make each day count. It may only be in the smallest way some days because of my limited energy and medical issues. It may be praying for others when I am having a bad day. It may be reaching out to a larger audience on my good days like today but I know who’s the author of my life! Do you?  Let me know what do you do to make your life count each day.

Since I have recently been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, I began taking a new medication. I started on Budesonide in December. It was a few days before Christmas and my husband was going to pick up my prescription for me. I looked online to see how much it was and found out it was going to be $226.

I told him not to get it that I could just wait. I was very upset that it cost so much and I was feeling bad too. He said that he was going to go ahead and pick it up and that we would just have to cut back on Christmas for our daughter. That, of course, upset me even more. I begged him not to get it, but he did anyway.

I started taking it and after a few weeks, I started feeling a little more“human” again. I wasn’t nauseated all the time and not having as much diarrhea. Then in January when it was time for a refill my regular pharmacy told me that it would be $1,100.00 this month. I had completely forgotten about the new year…meaning a new deductible

🙁

I called around to find the cheapest, local cash price. She told me it would $900 if I paid cash or it would be $1,100 with my insurance. I said are you sure that you filed my insurance? Would you please ask someone else there to double check. She said she would and called me back and told me that the prices were correct. Yes, that’s correct. It was cheaper without my insurance.

I was about to learn a lesson in Insurance 101. I called my insurance company to make sure that she had indeed filed the claim. He said yes and that the $1,100 was the “negotiated price” from my insurance company. In other words, I felt like I was being ripped off, to say the least.

I called the manufacturer since I have heard several commercials that say the manufacturer may be able to help. This is an example: “If you can’t afford your medicine, AstraZeneca may be able to help.” When I called the manufacturer they said: “We can’t help you with that medication.”

In desperation, I called my doctor’s office and the most helpful, young lady answered the phone. When I explained my situation she stated that one of her co-workers has Crohn’s and that she uses canadadrugs.com. I was not convinced. I was concerned about ordering my medication online.

Then I talked to the lady that has Crohn’s and she said that she always uses them and so do some of their patients. She said that they even offer more of a discount if you order more than a month at a time. I was now persuaded to do my “drug deal” online.

I called and asked about the pricing and was told that it would be $89 plus $10 shipping!! Thank the Lord! That price is a lot more reasonable! There was one problem it would take three weeks for the shipping. I also had to fill out some paperwork, send a voided check, and get another prescription from the doctor.

It was February 1st when I finally placed the order. It was near the end of February before I started taking the medication again. I was starting again and it took a few weeks for me to notice a change. However, this time the improvement was not as apparent as it was the first time.

I feel like I am still struggling a lot. I have days when my stomach cramps all day. I have had nights when I have to run to the bathroom several times during the night. I have days that I am in a Crohn’s flare and push myself and still go to work only to pay for it for the next several days.

After a recent visit to my gastroenterologist, I am considering taking Humira injections. I told him I would like to give what I am taking now at least another month. There are a lot possible side effects from Humira. My doctor said that I needed to look at the quality of life versus side effects. I agree and I have come to to the same conclusion with other medications that I have tried.

Once such medication was Elmiron that I was taking for my bladder disease (Interstitial Cystitis.) I took it for several months, but I was nauseated, couldn’t sleep or eat most all of the time. I felt like I was losing my mind.  I finally decided it was not worth it for me and I quit taking it. Even though it is the only FDA medication approved for treating my bladder disease.

I suffer from symptoms of my bladder disease every day but it is not the issue that is screaming the loudest in my body now. For months on end I will suffer from flares (increased symptoms) of my bladder issues and then I may go into remission for a few months.

As I continue along this journey I never know when I receive “Another Life Sentence.”  But one thing I can always count on is that when I am facing challenging times it is an opportunity for me to trust the Lord.  If I look at my path and try to handle it myself, I will certainly face anxiety and depression.  The best way I can face each new day is to stay in close communication with the Lord.  My thoughts and spoken words should reflect my trust in the Lord.  I know He can keep me in perfect peace.

Many of you have not heard from me in quite some time. I have really been struggling with my digestive issues. Every time I would eat I would get nauseated. I started having more digestive flares and they became more intense.

The flares would start with stomach cramping, pain, and nausea. Many times they would result in diarrhea, extreme nausea, weakness. Since I was having more bad days than good days I decided to pursue answers to this long-standing battle that has been going on in my body for more than twenty years.

I was referred to a new Gastroenterologist in November. Jokingly, I told everyone before the appointment that the first thing he would want to do is a *colonoscopy. He lived up to my expectations. Although I had one about four years ago, considering my family history, and my symptoms, I agreed that it was a good idea.

The preparation for the procedure was devastating on my already weak and frail body. The “cleansing procedure,” along with the complete elimination of food for several hours, was almost more than I could handle. After I spent the evening in the bathroom, I woke up the next day to face battle again. It was hard to believe that there was more “cleansing” to do.

My very supportive husband drove me to the doctor’s office. I felt so bad I didn’t do anything to my hair or makeup. I really have to be feeling bad for me to not at least comb my hair. I just put on some sunglasses and tried to be incognito.

I was so drained that I had trouble answering the questions that the nurses asked me, walking, and even following simple instructions…put it this way…when the nurse came back into the room to prepare me for the procedure I still had on my underwear, lol. She plainly told me to remove them. I told you I was having a very difficult time.

We laughed and then she asked the Nurse Anesthetist to come in and give me something to help me relax. He told me it was going to be Propofol. You may remember this was the drug that Michael Jackson used to help him sleep. When you struggle with insomnia, it can make you do some desperate things. I can understand why he wanted it. The Anesthetist asked me if I had any more questions.  I said,“Yes, do you make house calls?” I also battle with being unable to get to sleep and stay asleep. But of course I was only joking because they say sleep with anesthesia is not real sleep…hmm, that’s what they say.

After the procedure I was fine and the doctor said everything looked good. Praise the Lord I do not have colon cancer. I am very thankful for this because as I mentioned there is a family history. My grandmother died of colon cancer. The question remains what do I have??!

For more information on colonoscopies:http://www.cancer.org/cancer/colon-rectal-cancer/early-detection/acs-recommendations.html

It was Memorial Day so I had the day off from work. I had told my husband that I wanted to plan something special to do. But when the day arrived I had nothing planned.

The day before I had gone to church in the morning.  I had slept well the night before and I was completely worn out. I found out that later that same day that I needed to lead my Bible study group since the planned leader was not feeling well. So after church I went home to prepare my notes. I only had a few hours before I needed to be ready.

I know the only way I had enough energy to lead was the Holy Spirit was giving me strength. Otherwise I would have failed from the beginning. We had a great meeting. I could feel the Holy Spirit leading me.  I also felt encouragement from the input of others. I was very tired afterward. Again, that night I didn’t sleep well.

My daughter asked me the next morning if I wanted to go visit my mother-in-law. At first I said no, I’m too tired. I had over done it the day before. All I wanted to do was rest. However, after I was up and stirring around the house for a short while. I decided to go for it…very unlike me.

It usually takes me a while to get ready, get dressed and be prepared to go anywhere. On this day I just went with the flow. I asked my daughter to come and pick me up at my house. I dressed, and pulled my hair up in a ponytail and we hit the road.

We went and visited, did a few chores around her house and soaked up the sun by her swimming pool. I haven’t been in a swimming pool since I was diagnosed with *Interstitial Cystitis (IC). The fear of the way the chemicals may react in my bladder has kept me away from any pool encounters.

Lately I have been wanting to test the waters…literally! I thought this would be a good opportunity. I put on my swimsuit and took the plunge. The water was a little cool at first but it did not take me long to adjust. My main goals while in there were to see how my body reacted and to work on cleaning the pool.

I didn’t stay in long but I was able to accomplish my goals. So far my bladder has not been screaming. This is a good sign. Please take note that this is not a chlorine pool and I know that I was really taking a chance. But for some reason this was one of those rare occasions where I decided to go with the flow…pun intended.

I am usually a very cautious, careful person who does not take many risks. But I saw this day as an opportunity to spend time with my daughter, my mother-in-law and do something fun! As someone who has multiple medical issues it would have been easier to stay home, rest and relax. I do it all the time.

Most of the the time if I am going anywhere I have to psyche myself out for hours or sometimes days in advance. I conserve energy just so I will have enough strength to attend any event or even go buy groceries or go to work. It is a process for me.

This day was different and I got out of the coziness of what I do day in and day out. This day was about an experience. It was about making memories with loved ones.

I told a co-worker that I think the Lord wants us to stretch ourselves. I believe this is one way we grow and depend on Him more.

Is God calling you to do something like teach a Sunday School class or speak up about something that is happening in your community that you think is not pleasing to God? These things can be scary and uncomfortable. But the Lord is beside you and His spirit is within you, making these seemingly impossible tasks possible.

I certainly feel incompetent leading a group of my peers in Bible Study.  Most of them know waaay more about the Bible than I ever will.  But it wasn’t about who knows the most it was about who was willing to follow the nudging of the Holy Spirit when the preacher asked who has an interest in leading a Small Group Bible Study?

You can stay where you are and not do anything different or you can take a chance and go with the flow.

*Interstitial cystitis (in-ter-stish-uhl sĭ-stī’tĭs), or as we call it, IC, is a bladder condition that usually consists of multiple symptoms. Most IC patients have recurring pelvic pain, pressure, or discomfort in the bladder and pelvic region, and urinary frequency (needing to go often) and urgency (feeling a strong need to go). – See more at: http://www.ichelp.org

Twelve years ago my daughter picked him out at the animal shelter as a kitten. He would turn out to be the family’s favorite cat. She named him Tigger. I called him My Tigger.

All of my family became attached to Tigger. He grew to be a large orange tabby who loved to be held and petted. He had a loud, soothing purr-fect purr. He even liked to cuddle.

When my daughter moved out, Tigger stayed with us. I grew very close to him even though I have other cats. He was a constant companion through my difficult nights. When I was feeling bad he would always jump up on the bed, purring away, waiting to be petted. I hugged and cuddled him and he comforted me.

Tigger passed away last week. I noticed a spot on his hind leg that looked like he had been bit. He was eating and seemed fine. He later crawled up on my bed with one of my other cats. After about an hour he let out a big groan. I checked on him and thought he was just sick. I went into the kitchen to find something to give him some water and went right back into the room he was unresponsive.

I was crying so much and was so upset that I couldn’t check his breathing or heartbeat. I was panicked. I called my veterinarian’s office. I talked with the very consoling receptionist named Cindy. I told her what happened and that I didn’t want to give up on him if he was still alive. She said I would know if he was alive or not. She kept asking me if I had someone who I could call that would come help me. I said that I could call my husband.

Since I was not able to reach my husband I decided to call my sweet sister. Yes, the same caring sister who a few weeks ago had driven me out-of-town to get a bladder instillation because I was in so much pain from an *IC flare.

She came over and helped me with My Tigger. First she asked me what happened and then she checked on him. She asked if I had an old towel. I brought her a towel and she placed him on it and gently rolled him over to check his other side. I told her the story of how my daughter picked him out and raised him from a little kitten. I told her that I was not ready to let him go.

She listened and we continued to pet him. A few minutes later she asked if I had I box. She placed him in the shallow box, and took him into another room, and closed the door. She stayed with me and we talked for a little while. It was exactly what I needed. I needed my sister who is a fellow animal lover to just be there for me and calm me down.

One of my last memories of My Tigger happened earlier that day. I was brushing him while he was eating and he plopped down, quit eating, and enjoyed me brushing him. I stopped and he came back to me wanting more attention and love…that was the way My Tigger was…always wanting more love…always giving love!

I also remember the night before when I was having a difficult, pain night he was right there by my side purring and snuggling with me. I am so grateful that I have all of these fond memories of him and that he didn’t have to suffer. I have twelve years of good memories of My Tigger…My Purr-fect Friend.

*WHAT IS AN IC FLARE?

IC flares are not the same for everyone. Nearly 750 people responded to a 2009 ICA Quick Poll asking them to define an IC flare. Definitions included:

• Period of extreme pain with increased urinary frequency/urgency across several days or weeks (19%).
• Sudden increased intensity of symptoms (12%).
• Dramatic increase in IC symptoms across several hours (7%).
• Worsening of symptoms from baseline (5%).
• Subtle worsening of symptoms (4%).
• Over half (52%) of the IC patients surveyed felt that all of the above definitions defined an IC flare.

My third Interstitial Cystitis (IC) flare of the year continued for a month. My sister and I again made the trip over an hour away to Spartanburg Urology Center so that I could get another bladder instillation. (See blog post Wizard Of Oz-Like for more details on the first trip https://icmynewlife.com/wizard-of-oz-like/)

This time we took my Mama with us. I will never forget on the way home as I lay in the back seat my sister drove and my Mama read funny, short stories from the Reader’s Digest magazine. Mama would get so tickled as she was reading the stories that we couldn’t help but share in her laughter.

The next week  when I needed an instillation I was able to get an appointment with my local doctor. The appointment was at 8:40 am…yes, am! Not my favorite time for an appointment but it was the only one available for that week so I took it.

I explained to him how I had tried to get an appointment with him for the last two weeks but ended up going out-of-town instead, because he was so booked up. He said that anytime his staff tells me that to “Page him at the hospital” and he will get the Mid-Wife Nurse to give me the instillation. I told him thank you so much that means a lot to me at as the tears streamed down my face.

This doctor understands IC and knows that I am in extreme amount of pain especially when I am in an IC flare. He always takes the time to listen to me and answer all my questions. I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed me with a compassionate IC doctor.

The medicine (cocktail) in the instillation he gave me makes my symptoms worse before they get better. On the drive home I had extreme burning in my bladder and my lower regions. I mostly thought about what the doctor had said…He had me at “Page him at the hospital.”  (You know I changed the popular expression below)

By the time I walked in the door when I got home I was in full melt down mode. My husband thought I was upset and said what did he say to you? I explained that I was relieved and that was why I was crying. My husband seemed confused…women are complicated to say the least. Especially a menopausal one, with chronic pain that’s in an IC flare. I said that this doctor understands IC and it means so much to me to have someone who understands a little bit of what I am going through.

I held the medicine as long as I could. When I voided I noticed that there was blood too. I knew from past experience that this was all right…painful but all right.

Throughout the day I had both frequency and urgency and the burning continued all day long. I stayed in bed most of the day and rested. I was miserable but I knew that in the long run these treatments would help make me feel better.

The following week I went back for another instillation. This time I remembered to take some Pyridium first to help ease the burning. This instillation did not hurt as bad. I even went to the bank for the office before I headed home to rest.

So far this year has been filled with lots of pain and my struggles have been many but I know that the Lord is strong enough to handle all of this for me. I have to make a conscious decision everyday when I wake up to “cast my cares” on Him. I know that the Lord is always beside me leading me and He listens to me. The Lord had me at “It is Finished.”

I have had this song on my heart all day. It explains how the Lord is the anchor of my HOPE and the only one in control. I hope you will listen to the song and tell me what you think.

I took a short walk. I felt like I was a bear coming out of hibernation from the winter. I have felt bad for so long that I haven’t walked very much lately. Compound that with the fact that cold weather makes my Interstitial Cystitis (IC) and Fibromyalgia, etc. pain symptoms worse. I have clung to the comforts of my home for most of the last couple of months.

As I walked along in our front yard I gazed at the trees my husband planted a few months ago with much anticipation of the leaves that will hopefully be visible in just a few weeks. I heard a sound in the field next to our house that I thought was one of our cats, it was a bird. I enjoy seeing and hearing birds. There were bird sounds all around me. Even the flapping wings of a bird in flight were a welcome sound to my nature-deprived ears.

The calendar has next Sunday marked as the first day of Spring but for me it was today. It is the start of new beginnings. I began to ponder in my mind if my dream of moving to a place that stays warm all year round would have the same excitement that I felt today as I took my short journey in the delight of my first day of Spring.

The sun gently warmed my face combined with a cool, gentle breeze blowing through my hair. As I approached the front door of my house I was greeted by a kitty who anxiously awaited my return. I felt so thankful to God for all his blessings in my life. I was so thankful that I felt good enough to walk today and enjoy my first day of Spring!