IC My New Life

My body is very sensitive. Any kind of change in food or routine can make a huge difference in how my day…or night goes for me.

Mondays are usually good days for me. I have had two days that I don’t have to go to work and I generally feel pretty rested. This past Monday was one of those blessed days. I felt good most of day.

When I got home, after work, my lower back was hurting so much that I didn’t want to try the unobtainable feat of going to sleep. I stayed up as long as I could.

Since I know my body so well, I was correct in my assumption that falling asleep was going to be difficult. I tried and tried for hours, but I was in too much pain and it seemed to spread like wildfire throughout my body.  It actually felt like parts of my body were on fire!

My feet were hurting and burning. I had sharp, shooting pain coming from my toes. My feet were hurting so much it hurt for them to touch the bed. It hurt for them to touch each other.

My calf muscles were burning and my knees were aching. My bladder was hurting. In fact my entire pelvic area felt like I had a heavy belt around it putting pressure on it. I felt a deep ache in most of my muscles, especially my shoulders.

The noise from the Dish receiver, in my closed armoire, was driving me bananas!  I have had that receiver in my bedroom for years and it has never bothered me before, but that night was different!! I put my pillow over my head and began to cry.

I felt IT jump on my back and now I was wallowing in IT.  DISCOURAGEMENT had taken over every once of my being.

I didn’t want IT to win. I wanted to fight back!  But at this point, I had little energy and little strength.  I decided to soak in a hot tub with Epsom salt. I could clearly still feel IT on my back, but I wasn’t wallowing in IT so much now…starting to feel SOME mental relief.

Armed with a pain pill and three heating pads I headed to bed.  I was finally able to drift off to sleep and attain Freedom from Discouragement.

I think what caused some of my pain was wearing a pair of shoes that seemed comfortable at the time, but apparently are not the best fit for me…literally!  The wrong shoes and a Fibromyalgia flare are the recipe for pain and Discouragement.  However… I want to focus on beating Discouragement…the Freedom from Discouragement part.

How Do We Get Freedom From Discouragement?

I think Discouragement often happens when we are exhausted. When we are mentally or physically exhausted we are a prime candidate for the devil to creep into your thoughts. When we are exhausted things can seem more bleak than they really are.

Sometimes rest is the best solution. Stop, rest and refresh!

Fight back!  If what you are doing is causing you Discouragement, try a new approach.  Shake things up a little bit. Pray about it and get on the same page as God.  Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and help you come up with a new plan.

It is always a good idea to remember that God will help you. All you have to do is ask Him. There is incredible motivating power in faith!

Look for courage deep inside yourself.  Sometimes courage is not shown by loud words or actions.  Instead, our courage may be to silently tell ourselves to keep fighting and keep going when the day has been extremely hard.  Tell yourself  “I will continue to fight tomorrow and I will hope for a better day.”

Always remember that no negative feeling lasts forever. Hang in there my friends!

It has been a long time since I have posted on my blog. The main reason is that I have been in a “Dark Yellow Mood”….I will explain. When I was a little girl in Elementary School I wrote a poem that describes how I have been feeling lately.

Dark Yellow Moods

I have these dark yellow moods

I turn dark yellow, and act in a strange mood.

I act dumb and crazy.

But sometimes I act like a “Know-It-All.”

A very deep subject for such a young lad, but I was kinda weird…but being weird is okay. I think many people would agree that being weird is acceptable. It makes our world more interesting.

I’m not sure why I called them “Dark Yellow Moods” because for me yellow is a very happy color…maybe a dark ,black mood would be a better illustration. Dark, black would more accurately describe my mood.  I can’t really tell you exactly one thing that caused my mood. Most likely it was a combination of things.

When you have chronic pain it can affect your mind…it can depress you. I think that is part of it. I also think I was feeling overwhelmed by many things including the fact that I am so limited in my energy these days. I want to do more for the Lord, for my family, and for me but my body is saying “un uh.”

During my depression I had many days of uncontrollable crying. I was depressed and I couldn’t “snap out of it.” It does not always work that way. It is not always that easy. I couldn’t wave my magic wand and just get over it even though I wanted to very much!

One day at work I decided to stand and lean over my desk to do my work, since it hurts so much for me to sit…bad idea. I did it waay too much that day!

That night my back was hurting very badly. When I was trying to get to sleep I was in too much pain. To take my mind off of the pain, I began to really concentrate on how it would be when I’m in heaven with my Maker and spending eternity with Him. I didn’t realize it at the time but I had tears flowing from my eyes.  And for a few precious moments I felt no pain at all!!

It is unusual for me not to feel some kind of pain. Whether it is the chronic sciatica in my left leg, pain and burning from the neuropathy in my feet, bladder pain or the deep muscle pain and aches from the Fibromyalgia. But for a moment I didn’t feel any pain and I felt a huge sense of peace!!

If you have never experienced this kind of peace it may be hard for you to imagine. I believe this was the Holy Spirit letting me experience absolute peace for just a moment. It didn’t last long and it didn’t “snap” me out of my slump either. But it did make me look forward to the day when there will be no more pain and I will spend all of my time with my Heavenly Father.

While I was in my funk, I prayed that God would release me from my burden of depression. My faith in God never wavered during my dark days. In fact I think this was one of those growing, and learning experiences that only strengthened my faith…so take that devil!

Continuing to pray about my depression and continuing to live my life as normal as possible, not giving into the desire to not go to work or not go to church because I didn’t feel like myself, I finally feel like I am no longer in a “Dark Yellow Mood.”

Again, I can’t really say what brought me out of my rut. There were many things that helped including; time, regulating my medications, prayer and faith.

I am so thankful to God for helping me overcome my depression. There are times when we all feel “out of sorts.”  If you find yourself feeling sad and need some extra help I am going to provide a link that has information on things you can do that will hopefully help you.

. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml#part_145400

A couple of things they recommend that helps me too:

• Try to be active and exercise. Go to a movie, a ballgame, or another event or activity that you once enjoyed.

• Break up large tasks into small ones, set some priorities and do what you can as you can.

• Try to spend time with other people and confide in a trusted friend or relative. Try not to isolate yourself, and let others help you.

You may not feel like doing anything, but doing “something” always makes me feel better.  Keep working at it until you figure out what helps you.

We may experience some tough situations, but we will not be destroyed!!