It has been a long time since I have posted on my blog. The main reason is that I have been in a “Dark Yellow Mood”….I will explain. When I was a little girl in Elementary School I wrote a poem that describes how I have been feeling lately.
Dark Yellow Moods
I have these dark yellow moods
I turn dark yellow, and act in a strange mood.
I act dumb and crazy.
But sometimes I act like a “Know-It-All.”
A very deep subject for such a young lad, but I was kinda weird…but being weird is okay. I think many people would agree that being weird is acceptable. It makes our world more interesting.
I’m not sure why I called them “Dark Yellow Moods” because for me yellow is a very happy color…maybe a dark ,black mood would be a better illustration. Dark, black would more accurately describe my mood. I can’t really tell you exactly one thing that caused my mood. Most likely it was a combination of things.
When you have chronic pain it can affect your mind…it can depress you. I think that is part of it. I also think I was feeling overwhelmed by many things including the fact that I am so limited in my energy these days. I want to do more for the Lord, for my family, and for me but my body is saying “un uh.”
During my depression I had many days of uncontrollable crying. I was depressed and I couldn’t “snap out of it.” It does not always work that way. It is not always that easy. I couldn’t wave my magic wand and just get over it even though I wanted to very much!
One day at work I decided to stand and lean over my desk to do my work, since it hurts so much for me to sit…bad idea. I did it waay too much that day!
That night my back was hurting very badly. When I was trying to get to sleep I was in too much pain. To take my mind off of the pain, I began to really concentrate on how it would be when I’m in heaven with my Maker and spending eternity with Him. I didn’t realize it at the time but I had tears flowing from my eyes. And for a few precious moments I felt no pain at all!!
It is unusual for me not to feel some kind of pain. Whether it is the chronic sciatica in my left leg, pain and burning from the neuropathy in my feet, bladder pain or the deep muscle pain and aches from the Fibromyalgia. But for a moment I didn’t feel any pain and I felt a huge sense of peace!!
If you have never experienced this kind of peace it may be hard for you to imagine. I believe this was the Holy Spirit letting me experience absolute peace for just a moment. It didn’t last long and it didn’t “snap” me out of my slump either. But it did make me look forward to the day when there will be no more pain and I will spend all of my time with my Heavenly Father.
While I was in my funk, I prayed that God would release me from my burden of depression. My faith in God never wavered during my dark days. In fact I think this was one of those growing, and learning experiences that only strengthened my faith…so take that devil!
Continuing to pray about my depression and continuing to live my life as normal as possible, not giving into the desire to not go to work or not go to church because I didn’t feel like myself, I finally feel like I am no longer in a “Dark Yellow Mood.”
Again, I can’t really say what brought me out of my rut. There were many things that helped including; time, regulating my medications, prayer and faith.
I am so thankful to God for helping me overcome my depression. There are times when we all feel “out of sorts.” If you find yourself feeling sad and need some extra help I am going to provide a link that has information on things you can do that will hopefully help you.
A couple of things they recommend that helps me too:
- Try to be active and exercise. Go to a movie, a ballgame, or another event or activity that you once enjoyed.
- Break up large tasks into small ones, set some priorities and do what you can as you can.
- Try to spend time with other people and confide in a trusted friend or relative. Try not to isolate yourself, and let others help you.
You may not feel like doing anything, but doing “something” always makes me feel better. Keep working at it until you figure out what helps you.
We may experience some tough situations, but we will not be destroyed!!